Shantivanam—Forest of Peace
This was my seventh trip to India. With each previous trip I had been in search of Eastern spiritual teachings—both Hindu and Buddhist. I was very attached to these, especially Hinduism and looked disdainfully at the religion I had been born and raised in—Christianity But as I evolved spiritually I became aware that there were some unhealed wounds there that needed to be addressed.
One day last spring I came home from the library with two spiritual books. I was surprised to discover that both of them had references to Father Bede Griffiths—an English Benedictine monk who had lived much of his life in Southern India combining the best of Hinduism with the best of Christianity in a Christian ashram called Shantivanam near Trichy. My friend Brenda had visited there in 1989, had met Father Bede and been very impressed with his wisdom and humility. I decided to buy a book detailing his life, “Beyond the Darkness” by Shirley du Boulay. I found that I could relate to much of his search and later bought his autobiographical book “The Golden String” which I found very inspiring.
My plan to spend the winter of 2008/9 in India came about by a serendipitous series of events that later revealed a very different purpose for this trip. I had planned to go to Oneness University in Andrah Pradesh where I had previously done two courses and had been promoting them for the past 4 years. I wanted to see the newly completed temple and to do the Advanced course again. Circumstances prevented any of this from occurring and instead I found myself at the Isha Yoga ashram near Coimbatore. It is a beautiful ashram with a very large following and I hoped that perhaps I had finally found my spiritual home in India. But after doing one of their courses I found it to be very elementary for me and I was disappointed that I was not learning anything new. I had gone to Goa to do the training and decided to spend 3 weeks at Benaulim Beach resting up and deciding on my next course of action. During this time I did a lot of writing and contemplation and re-read “The Golden String”.
I still felt a strong attachment to the Hindu-based organizations that I had devoted much of my life to—Siddha Yoga and Oneness University and wanted to visit both of them.
My enquiries at both places led to dead ends and I began to see the darker side of India, the lack of love and charity—the heartlessness of the Eastern traditions which focused more on love of God and on karma than on love of neighbour.
I decided to go to Shantivanam, arriving there on February 4, 2009 very soul-weary and disenchanted, and considering cutting my trip short and returning to Canada early.
After a two day journey I arrived on the train at the small village of Kulittalai at 3:30 AM feeling very apprehensive as I stepped off the train into the darkness with all my luggage.
I was amazed to find someone waiting at the train station with a sign bearing my name and a vehicle to take me to the ashram. At the ashram gate the guestmaster had risen in the middle of the night to greet and welcome me and help me settle into my room.
Later that day I met Brother John Martin, with whom I had been corresponding, and who is the spiritual teacher at the ashram. I was immediately impressed with his loving and joyful demeanor, his accessibility and humility. Later I was to be even more impressed with his wisdom and with the care in which he welcomed every visitor to the ashram, as well as the love showered on me by Sister Marie-Louise who led the adjacent Ananda ashram for nuns, where I stayed for much of my visit.
I found Shantivanam very relaxed, with attendance at events optional, but decided to immerse myself in the life of the ashram and take advantage of every opportunity to learn and experience what was being taught there. The day started with mass at 6:30 AM. This was a new experience for me and a bit strange at first, but I grew to love it and to look forward to it each morning. . During the celebration of the Eucharist I would go into a very deep meditative state and would sometimes have profound mystical visions.
I had grown up with a lot of prejudices about Roman Catholicism, some of which had been offset by being married in a Catholic church in Australia and by working as a nurse in Catholic hospitals in Vancouver, but I always knew that it was a mystical branch of Christianity.
Each morning and afternoon tea or coffee was served in a gazebo in the centre of the ashram. This was our opportunity to meet new arrivals and to socialize with our fellow ashramites. I was amazed at the people I met there –some who were staying as long as I and others who were just passing through, but every one drawn from all over the world by the same invisible force that drew me there. For the first time in my life I felt fully accepted and safe to be authentic.
Every afternoon at 4 PM (except Sundays),Brother Martin met with us and patiently answered any questions that were put forth. He was carrying on a tradition started by Father Bede. Brother Martin had joined Father Bede in 1984, when just before he was due for ordination as a priest, he came to Shantivanam for some spiritual direction and is still there. Fr. Bede allowed him to find his own unique way of teaching—I found it veryrefreshing and insightful. Along with others I found myself almost jumping up and down with excitement the first few times I heard him speak. I was also very impressed by the level of spiritual maturity shown by those who asked the questions.
There is a rhythm in an ashram that allows one to focus inward as there are very few external choices that need to be made on a daily basis. At Shantivanam our education was mostly self-guided with a wonderful library and book store full of books written by the founders, as well as books from every spritual tradition. I continued to do lots of writing,which is my way of gaining clarity. I was discovering a whole new approach to Christianity—one that dovetailed with my previous mystical experiences and understandings gained in Eastern traditions. I loved the combination of Psalms with Sanskirt and Tamil chanting. I realised that I had gone as far as I could go with the Eastern forms alone and that it was time for me to reclaim my Christian heritage.
My prejudices fell away as I discovered that Christianity is starting to change from within as it allows itself to embrace the mysticism that has always been present in the lives of Christian saints and is the essence of all religions. Here at Shantivanam the myths and metaphors were addressed and the scriptures came alive for me in a whole new way. I began to see how the Eastern and Western traditions had much to learn from each other and that combined they were more than the sum of the parts.
The missing element in the Western traditions is Wisdom, and lacking in Eastern traditions is the Love of neighbour which has allowed such degradation of humans to continue into the modern world. The symbol of the cross took on a new meaning, as for me it symbolized the need to come back down to the heart level after experiencing the bliss of the higher chakras. It is important after realizing the essential truth of Oneness to be willing to return to living in a dualistic world with functional boundaries and to offer our lives in service to our fellow humans.
I came to understand the meaning of the Trinity when it was explained as:
Father --static aspect of divinity (transcendent),
Son --the dynamic (immanent) aspect
Holy Spirit –the relationship between the two
I could draw parallels from Hinduism with the journey from Shakti to Shiva and the energy of the kundalini.
Bother Martin was very knowledgable about Advaita and made insightful comparisons with the Judeo-Christian traditions.
One day after Brother Martin’s talk I was writing, and upon completing it, realized that I had just written a poem describing my spiritual journey. I had been thinking about how impatient I had become for enlightenment, and it reminded me of my children on long car trips when they used to repeatedly ask, “Are we there yet?” Here is my poem:
Am I There Yet?
The journey to the Promised Land has been long and arduous and I am feeling weary.
I keep asking, “Am I there yet? How much longer?”
The journey started in the Garden of Eden—original innocence. oneness, wholeness, unity—but unconscious.
Then came the Fall and being expelled from the garden paradise.
But I remember it and I long to return.
It is close and I get glimpses of it—but often it is a mirage.
Not there yet.
The journey through the desert has been uncomfortable
But manna (nourishment) has always been there for my needs.
In the barren landscape I remember the lush greenery and pristine beauty of the Garden.
Maybe next year---next course—next trip to India!
I keep plodding onward
Focused too much on the destination and not enough on the Journey,
The Eternal Now—outside of time and space.
Letting go of the past and trusting the future
I dwell in the Present and\
There I find Presence
There I find Freedom
There I find Creativity
There I find Joy
There I find Love
I am There
I am Here Now
I Am.
